Introducing Yourself

There are various ways to introduce yourself to someone you have never met.  I never used to get it right when I first came to Reading a good 12 years ago – I found that outright asking for sexual favours as the first sentence didn’t tend to endear me to either the student population of Reading, or the general population.  University was clearly mis-sold to me.  Even in Hull, I think back then you still had to offer a drink first before asking a young lady (perhaps not quite the right word) to come back to your parent’s house for a rumble in the shed (as long as it wasn’t too far below zero).  Perhaps my greatest error was mistaking a young heavy metal fan for a woman.  A good tip is to look at the face first, especially when struggling for focus due to alcohol.

In the world of work, water coolers are a good place for introductions, and there are a few young ladies who’s marital status I feel need some investigation.

I just had an older gentleman introduce himself to me, by way of advising me that some of the plain off-white mugs in the kitchen are heavier than the others and must therefore be thicker than the others as the other dimensions were all the same.

I struggled to contain my excitement as I tried desperately for something to say other than “oh”.

I think he must have grasped my minimal level of interest as he then proceeded to tell me about some very fat and very ugly woman playing her ipod on the bus too loud for his satisfaction.  Though he seemed satisfied that she had more serious problems due to her looks than going deaf, and therefore he should perhaps allow her some fun due to her seriously ugly face.

I look forward to hearing what other insights my new friend has for me over the coming weeks and months.

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