World Of Winfield

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Happy Valentine’s From Me & Maggie

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I used to find Valentine’s Day depressing, knowing that no non-cardboard women under 120kg found me attractive. But since Margaret has come into my life, I have been able to turn my love-frown upside down. Valentine’s Day is almost a good day now. I decided to take the day off.  Yeah I know, I’m unemployed, but today was the first day this month where I wasn’t coding all day, or applying for jobs/interviewing.  Every day this month I have been ‘working’ roughly 9-5, sometimes 6 – one time even until 11pm. I was starting to feel a bit jaded, and … Continued

James Went To Bratislava

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Gosh was it two weeks ago already? It was probably the holiday I was least ever looking forward to.  Prior to going away, I was tired, not always my usual joyful self, feeling unhealthy and particularly worried about money. Typically, I booked the trip away and then lost my job a week later.  But the show must go on – no point in wasting booked flights and I certainly do not let people down.  I really wasn’t up for it – until the Friday afternoon when I started investigating and making a plan. One obligatory airport beer and super-expensive sausage … Continued

Detox 2017

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Watermelon juice in a nestled jungle cafe.

It’s that time of year again.  Detox time. In fact, this is now day 8 of my detox – I’ve been so busy being unemployed that I literally am not getting time to do any blogging. I already feel much better.  I was drinking too much, and too often.  I have quite a dislike of getting up at 7am and going to work even if I have had just two beers the night before, not to mention the increased chances of having not slept properly – which means that I rarely drink the night before work. Not having had that … Continued

Happy Birthday To Me

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So I had a birthday yesterday.  And I have a hangover today. It wasn’t the most glorious start.  Despite not having a job, I don’t know where the time goes.  I’ve been way too busy to clean the house recently and it was a fair mess. Therefore I decided to start my birthday with a cleaning session, bathroom and kitchen mainly – good timing too as my landlady popped round halfway through. Then my computer crashed again.  Nothing too unusual as it crashes most days, however it would not turn itself back on.  I quickly became consumed by rage as … Continued

The Psychology Of Unemployment

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Labour Party Centenary 1900-2000. Historical party posters

I hadn’t forgotten the psychology of unemployment but maybe I had underestimated it – until now I had been generally as positive as normal.  I’m not one of those impossibly-happy types but generally I am positive about myself, the world – bar the odd moan or ten, especially about Brexit. It’s easy to sit here and criticise the unemployed, and there sure is a fair-sized collective of scumbags who simply don’t want to work.  I’m sure I could get A job tomorrow if I was not bothered about what I wanted to do. Maybe I am simply being a bit … Continued

2016: Tough, Tumultuous, Semi-Successful and Quite A Lot Of Fun

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Brexit. Let’s get it out of the way.  Don’t worry, I won’t spend much time talking politics, this blog is all about the self-defecating narcissism, after all. I summed it up perfectly on the morning when I woke up.  A victory for lies.  A victory for xenophobia.  A victory for racism.  Or something like that. This year has seen the general feel of the country, and the wider western world, turn against the values of freedom, liberty, tolerance and respect that I hold so dear.  It’s almost acceptable to be racist once more.  It feels in a general context that … Continued

Unemployment Begins

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Job Centre - Vicarage Road

So I have just returned from job centre minus for the second time this week. It was inspirational, invigorating, exciting, relevant and demeaning. So inspirational that I have poured myself a beer.  Though I was going to do that anyway – I’ve had a tough, busy week.  More on that in a minute.  Plus it is listed in the conditions for jobseekers that I spend some of it on beer. Last time I was made unemployed, it took me nearly two months to get around to applying for benefits as I was having too much fun.  This time I thought … Continued

Complaint: Cadburys & The Smaller Chocolate Bar Sizes

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close up photo of chocolates

Dear Cadbury’s OK I’m overweight.  Not horrendously so but I am a good 10kg above the weight that one should be. I don’t eat a huge amount of chocolate.  My main issue is not doing any exercise – I refuse to go to the gym as I don’t want people to think I am one of those gym types, and I never get laid as I only get fat matches on Tinder – and when I say fat, I mean phat fat.  I am sure that they are lovely girls but I have enough difficulties getting aroused at my age … Continued

Ocado Complaint & My 425 Error

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This is a piece of paper hanging from a clothesline with a clothespin. It represents the 404 error encountered by those who cannot find something on a website. Format 2/3, black and white.

Hi Ocado I have had a frustrating day today. Have you any idea how to fix a 425 error on an ftp server? No, neither have I. Recently I undertook a project called Supermarket Slut. I became fed up of Sainsburys not being able to deliver chicken that lasted long enough through the week. Chicken breasts are the one item that I require to last through the week – as they are for my salad for Monday to Friday and tend to go off. Other things being short-dated I can just about work around – as long as it isn’t … Continued

Sainsburys Complaint & My Manly Chest

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Pirate's treasure chest, vintage illustration

Dear Sainsburys I am not sure whether you are aware but I am entering my manly torso-chest into a Sexy Torso competition shortly. One of the many areas of advice that I have encountered is for colouring my torso to ensure I stand out to the judges. To do so, I need to rub half an avocado onto my chest, particularly the nipple area, and let the oils soak in overnight. However this week, my Sainsburys avocados were totally unacceptable.  I bought a packet of the ripen at home avocados, but they just went to a weird light green/light brown. … Continued