Yes, you read correctly.
I have joined a gym.
I figured that as I am nearly 40, exceptionally unattractive to women and still absolutely desperate to have multiple children – preferably to different women but the same one will do I guess, I should really do some critical analysis of why this is.
The question that I have been asking all year to myself after 1000’s of unreciprocated right-swipes is why am I not attractive to women. I mean, I have a mullet, after all. And don’t forget the shiny green meggings.
So I changed my gender on Tinder to female, and started looking through men’s profiles. And realised that I was clearly missing something. Pictures of my muscles in very tight t-shirts.
Believe it or not, and I know I wouldn’t, but I’ve had my induction training, paid my £500 annual fee in advance which is just such exceptional value – and I am lifting. Lifting. LIFTING I tell you.
Shortly I will be a #properrippedbro
Power to The Winfield.
I shall also be listening to infinite amounts of tech-house going forwards and doing fist-pumps whenever possible. Yeah, Moorgate station – fist pump time! No I don’t have a Nectar card – fist pump time! Hull City AFC have conceded another goal – fist pump time. Yeah!
Right I’m off down the gym again – haven’t been for 3 hours. I shall post some gym-selfies later with my new bro’s. Yeah! Fist pump, baby.
Anyone got any roids?