2017 – Debt Repayment Plan

Another old series of e-mails that I wanted to publish but never got around to it – regarding my debt to Reading Council from 2010. I wanted to try to reduce my payments when I was unemployed in 2017.

My Original Request

Dear Sir

I have been repaying a debt from your over-payments to me for some time now.

I called last week to check how much was left to pay, and was advised that the sum remaining was £75.00.

Part of the reason for my call was also to advise that I am currently unable to make any more of my monthly payment as I am unemployed.

My total income per month from benefits is £695.50. My rent is £600.00 and my mobile phone bill is £12.00 a month.

This leaves me with a grand total of £83.50 per month for food and toiletries, etc.

I am sure that you understand the situation that I am in, and my reasons behind cancelling the standing order.

I was promised a call back to discuss my options, but no call has been received.

Ideally you will just cancel the remaining £75.00 – I could probably afford a nominal sum of say £5.00 in full and final settlement if you desired.

Kind regards

Reading Council:

Dear Mr Winfield

I am writing to confirm the agreement that has recently been set up with this authority to clear your outstanding invoice.

The agreement is to pay £5.00 Monthly commencing on 01.04.2017. Please complete the enclosed standing order form and issue to your bank.

My Response:

Dear Mrs Adams

I thought I should drop you an e-mail to confirm that I handed in the standing order form to the bank last week. A bit weird in this modern age doing things on actual paper, but I liked the quirkiness of it – quite 90’s, a bit like handbag house and Brandon Block. Though not as much cocaine. In fact no cocaine, I cannot even afford miaow miaow such is my predicament. Is that how you spell miaow miaow? My spellchecker is not happy.

Hopefully it will have been processed in time for the first payment which is due on 1st April. Was. If not, then please do contact me and I will arrange a payment. In cash. I did originally try to repay the debt by offering a painting, however I understand that you do not accept art as repayment for debt. Which is pretty useful, as I am crap at painting anyway. I have attached one of my artworks, in case you are interested.

Also, please do accept my apologies for the delay in walking down to the local bank which is apparently only open roughly 18 minutes a week with an 11 mile queue on average. I do exaggerate slightly.

I am sure that you can understand that I have been very busy looking for a job, and particularly busy fielding calls from recruitment consultants who are very keen to know who I have interviewed with. And occasionally lie to me about a job opportunity that doesn’t actually exist.

I did also spend some time writing to HMRC, as apparently I owed money to them from unpaid tax. However upon reading my offer of having a sex change and moving to Thailand to become a ladyboy, they have cancelled the tax owing to them. Quite a pleasant surprise. I would make the same offer to Reading council, but I fear it would be accepted, and I rather enjoy being able to grow a chest carpet during the winter.

Also, please do note that Brexit is partly to blame for my tardiness in walking to the bank.

I wish you a very pleasant week.


James Winfield

Reading Council’s Confirmation

Dear Mr Winfield

Thank you for your email below and please accept my apologies for the delay in replying.

I would like to confirm that we have received your first payment of £5.00 on 05/04/2017 via standing order, which has been allocated to your Housing Benefit Invoice, leaving an outstanding balance of £70.00.

Any further queries please do not hesitate to contact us.


My Follow-Up

Dear Mrs Adams

Thank you for your e-mail.

25 days for a response is a commendable improvement upon the previous standards of Reading Council, who took around 4-5 months to read my e-mails and stop paying me housing benefit back in 2010.

Incidentally, Harrow council stopped my housing benefit just a few days after e-mailing them. Though I am still waiting for the food waste bags that I ordered nearly 6 weeks ago.

I am so glad that I work in the private sector. Yes, that means I have a job – woohoo! I am doing lots of things to celebrate this fact, and I would like to pay my remaining debt off, which is now £65.00 including the £5.00 to be taken on 2nd May.

Please can you confirm how I may do so.

I look forward to your response – hopefully before I am next unemployed.

Have a nice day, apologies for the sarcasm, and vote Tory.

James Winfield

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