Goodbye England

Don’t panic.

You’ve not woken up in some kind of socialist hell, with Ed Miliband in charge of the country and all rational intelligent types such as myself fleeing to Zimbabwe.

It’s just a post about football.

I shall get stuck in like some Uruguayan teeth (that was bitingly obvious wasn’t it?).

1 GK Joe Hart – The best we have but he isn’t Peter Shilton.
13 GK Ben Foster – Not much to do against Costa Rica but did it well.  Maybe worth a start in the next friendly?
22 GK Fraser Forster – Who?
2 DF Glen Johnson – Not an international class right-back.  He isn’t Gary Neville.
3 DF Leighton Baines – I thought he was better than that.  He isn’t Ashley Cole.
5 DF Gary Cahill – A reasonable defender and probably just our best defender in the tournament.  But he isn’t Campbell.  Or Terry.  Or Ferdinand.  Or Butcher.  Or Pallister.
6 DF Phil Jagielka – I would rather Ed Balls in defence.
12 DF Chris Smalling – I would rather Margaret Thatcher in defence.
16 DF Phil Jones – I do think he shows promise, some good defending against Costa Rica.
23 DF Luke Shaw – Really impressed in his one game, and only 18!
4 MF Steven Gerrard (captain) – Some lovely passing but set up Suarez for that goal.  Not what he used to be.
7 MF Jack Wilshere – The jury is still out.  Will he ever stop falling over?  He isn’t Paul Gascoigne.
8 MF Frank Lampard (vice-captain) – Looked decent against Costa Rica but not what he used to be.
14 MF Jordan Henderson – Yet to be convinced he is international class.
15 MF Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain – Could have provided that spark.  Shame he was injured.
17 MF James Milner – I can run faster than him.  I don’t mind him as a utility player though.  He isn’t David Beckham.
19 MF Raheem Sterling – Promising but naive still.
20 MF Adam Lallana – Promising but naive still.
21 MF Ross Barkley – Promising but naive still.
9 FW Daniel Sturridge – Promising but naive still.  Should have had more than one goal to his name.
10 FW Wayne Rooney – Scored one and created the other.  Should have had more than one goal but anyone who thinks he should be dropped clearly is a member of the EDL.  He isn’t Alan Shearer though.
11 FW Danny Welbeck – Why?  He isn’t Emile Heskey.
18 FW Rickie Lambert – Should have come on when we needed goals.

You may have noticed the main theme, unless you are one of those who want Rooney out.

We are not what we used to be.  Perhaps only Emile Heskey of the Golden Generation years would be replaced by one of the current crop of players we have.

If the Golden Generation couldn’t win a tournament, then this lot won’t.

We are simply a decently average team.  Maybe 20th in the world.  Which out of over 200 countries puts us in the top 10%.

We did quite well.  We were not second best in any of those games.  We were not outclassed like Spain were against Netherlands and Chile.

One of the best things about whenever England lose (or don’t win by enough against a minnow) is the constant moaning by deluded folk on 606.  Most of them have London accents so probably support one of those perennially under-achieving clubs like Arsenal or Tottenham, gosh how awful it must be to support Arsenal and England.

My favourite examples was getting Pep Guardiola to be England manager.

Get real.  Why the hell would he want to go from managing the best European club sides to a part-time job managing England?

Then people suggesting Gary Neville to be manager.  Exactly what experience does he have other than Sky Sports?

And my favourite – wait for this.

Our pampered players don’t show enough passion so we should get players from the likes of Scunthorpe to play for England instead.


Of course the biggest question of the tournament is why wasn’t Curtis Davies in the England squad?  Ridiculous.  Would have let in less goals.

But look on the bright side – the last time we were this bad, we won the World Cup just 8 years later.

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