World Of Winfield

Category: Uncategorized

James Went To Theatre

By

It’s about 16 years since I went to the theatre.  You are far more likely to see me dancing away in a nightclub, having a few beers whilst watching the football or in a nice country pub having a roast dinner. I’m not exactly your average uncultured Neanderthal, but the theatre isn’t something that I generally consider as an evening’s entertainment. And then I heard the shocking news that Reading Council were considering closing down South Street Arts Centre.  How dare they?  What a disgrace. Oh wait a minute – I’ve lived in Reading for 17 years and haven’t even … Continued

Complaint: M&S Southern Fried Chicken

By

deep fried chicken

Dear M&S I normally love your food, however yesterday I was having a fat day so thought I would treat myself to some southern fried chicken – namely your box of drumsticks and thighs. Now I love a chicken thigh but hate drumsticks – they are like comparing MDMA to Meow Meow. One classy and beautiful – the other rough as a badger’s bum but better than nothing. So I was hoping it would be roughly half and half but out of a box of 7 chicken pieces – 5 of them were drumsticks! 5 drumsticks! Just 2 thighs. Very … Continued

James Went To Parliament

By

I’ve long wanted to go to parliament.  I didn’t realise that they did tours.  I knew that you could go watch proceedings from the public gallery, though I was under the assumption that you needed an invite from your MP. Luckily my sister took a “risk” and booked a tour for my Christmas present.  Quite how the heck that qualifies as a risky present I do not know – it’s a dream present. It took a while to find a Saturday when we were both free but the preceding Saturday was it.  The big day.  I was rather excited beforehand. … Continued

Complaint: Wet Feet Winfield

By

Still posting my old complaints up – this is from where I bought some leaky shoes from Clarks in autumn 2014: Dear Sir I have only had these shoes for 7 weeks and already the stitching on the top is coming loose and when it rains my feet get wet. If I lived in Dubai this would be fine, but with medium-long range models suggesting an unsettled first half to winter, I am going to regularly have wet feet. Perhaps even worse, my blue socks with stars on now have a brown sheen from the bottom of my wet shoes. … Continued

Complaint: Rocket

By

arugula leaves

Dear Sainsbury’s As you may be aware, I have been developing my capacity to travel into space.  I wrote to you some time ago to complain about my teleport machine rejecting the rotten strawberries that I had purchased from you.  You were kind enough to refund the cost of said strawberries. My teleport machine, however, does not get me into space – it can only handle earth-teleportation as gravity has to be calibrated to the exact constant to be able to deliver without defect. I have recently been developing a leaf-powered rocket.  Now I am some way off being able … Continued

Labour’s Spin Machine Is Back

By

woman in a washing machine

Remember Labour’s spin machine?  Do you remember when our country was run by the likes of Alastair Campbell and Peter Mandelson?  It’s back in fine form, with outright lies and disgusting false accusations, this time over spending on the disabled. I’ll outline some facts first, followed by some opinion and a likely outcome. Most importantly, spending on the disabled is not being cut.  Categorically, not even in nominal terms (ie before inflation) is spending on the disabled being cut.  This is a blatant outright lie. Currently spending on the Personal Independence Payments (PIP) is £16.2 billion.  This was expected to … Continued

The Do A Little Bit Budget – My Official Response

By

black calculator near ballpoint pen on white printed paper

I am still awaiting my invite to speak at parliament in response to the budget.  I am disturbed that they have invited such disluminaries as Corbyn and McDonnell to waffle on but they are still ignoring me.  Does the speaker not read my blog? Nevertheless, one or two people will hear my response. The stand-out policy is the Lifetime ISA – at least if you are under 40 and don’t own a house.  If you are not in this category you are probably too busy campaigning to make sure no houses are built anywhere in the country to protect the … Continued

Weight

By

donuts and bagel display

I recently read in The Economist about an app where you make financial pledges to lose weight, gain fitness, etc and if you cannot prove that you have reached your targets, you forfeit your money. I have to get serious about losing this belly so I have set myself a rule that I need to lose 1kg between each time that I go clubbing. So before I go to Tobacco Dock on 2nd April I need to be 88kg.  For clubbing in Bucharest at the end of April, I need to be 87kg.  For tINI and the gang in May, … Continued

Let Me Shop On Sundays Please

By

wooden blocks spelling sunday on neutral background

Occasionally, I want to go buy something from a shop later on a Sunday afternoon. Currently, I am not allowed to. Many shops close at 4pm.  Others at 5pm.  If you are lucky, or in central London (also lucky) then 6pm. Many of us across the country work Monday to Friday – many of the shops are closed when we are not at work on these 5 days, unless you happen to live in a vibrant metropolitan area or close to a major shopping centre. Weekends are two precious days filled with a variety of activities for many people – … Continued

Complaint: Sainsburys – Low Alcohol Wine Issues

By

a person pouring wine on a clear glass

Another complaint from 2014 that I thought I’d share: Dearest Sainsburys I would firstly like to apologise for the delay in sending you this complaint – you will probably notice that I am normally quite quick to complain however I have been spending a lot of time caressing my mullet recently. I received some trout on 23rd August and thought nothing more about it until 25th when it came to making trout and dill fishcakes – it had a best before date of 23rd August. I am not happy with this. Further to that, I purchased some rose wine last … Continued