James Winfield’s Guide To Ibiza 2012

I think it is safe to say that I have only been to one place in the world that I love more than Kingston-Upon-Hull, and that is Ibiza.
It is also safe to say that as some point in the next couple of months, the lure will prove too great and I will be booking flights, most likely for September.  You are more than welcome to join me.
Resident Advisor have done an excellent guide to Ibiza, I cannot really beat it, but I know you are craving my perspective on matters…
They did try to be positive even on the stuff that blatantly is of no interest to RA readers, like David Guetta, however I was most amused of their description of Matinee – “Extremely Spanish, extremely high-octane and unlikely to be of appeal to any serious music fans”.
I will try not to be so reserved, here goes:
The dates that I decide to go to Ibiza will depend on when Sven is playing at Cocoon.  Though as I will have seen Sven twice this year and Ricardo not at all come summer, I may consider a non-Sven night if Ricardo is playing.  This is the Monday night.  I am led to believe that Cocoon are also doing something at a new venue with a 24-hour music license.  Yes, one of those mythical things of Ibiza before the island started chasing the high value tourists circa 2006 and before the massive Spanish recession which seems to have changed the minds of the authorities.  Also keep an eye on La Plage in PDB – site of many good free after parties on the beach just up from Bora Bora in 2011.
Speaking of free things, it is often worthwhile a trip to the beach at PDB as the lesser-popular nights often hand out free wristbands, or half-price with a drink.  You won’t get free tickets to Cocoon or David Guetta, and you will probably have to be there by midnight or 1am, they will often have good underground line-ups, if you are willing to give some of the less-established nights a chance.
Ibiza doesn’t have to break the bank if you know what you are doing.
So, you know I love Cocoon – but what else do I fancy?
Circo Loco at DC10 sounds a bit over-rated for me, too many DJs too.  And it would ruin me for Cocoon.  I’m in my 30’s.  I don’t do 24 hour sessions without paying for it massively.  I would still go but it isn’t on my to-do list.  Of more interest at DC10 is man-of-2011, Jamie Jones’ Paradise night on Thursdays, with people like Art Department, Maceo Plex but also Space Dimension Controller.  This will be a superb night, and very popular.  Also Tania Vulcano’s Pandemonium night on a Friday would be a lot of fun I suspect, and musically excellent.  Believe it or not, I have never been to DC10.  Crazy, I know.
Tuesday is a new night at another club I haven’t been to, Sankey’s, rumoured now to have the best sound-system on the island.  The night of interest is Diynamic by man-of-2012, Solomun.  Expect the absolutely very best in modern house music and a very musically clued up party crowd.  Or how about the Carnival night on Saturday?  Very interesting.
I could be tempted by a bit of Pete Tong at Pacha, but do it randomly so I don’t know what the line-up is.  I might get lucky with Eats Everything, or Seth Troxler.  Or incredibly lucky with Paul Oakenfold?
Finally worth a mention, one which may surprise you coming from me, is Defected at Pacha.  They have some really excellent names playing this year for their Saturday parties, like Solomun and Dennis Ferrer – have a look – you might be surprised.
Right, enough being nice, time to get barred from a few places and upset certain sections of the definitely non-existent Disco Mafia.  Who makes these bizarre internet rumours up?
Ushuaia sounds like my clubbing hell.  Expensive and pretentious.  OK, I haven’t been there, but just like I haven’t been to The Ivy, or Chinawhites, I also haven’t been to Ushuaia.  Sometimes you don’t need to try something to know it isn’t your cup of tea.  This being Ibiza though, I am sure if I were dragged along, and didn’t have to pay anything, then I would have a very good time.  It just is not my cup of tea.  It is clubbing for a different type of personality to me and I have no intention of paying very large sums of money when I know I can enjoy something more for less money.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with it per se if that is your kind of thing but it just isn’t me or what I am all about.
Privilege.  Firstly I don’t see anything listed vaguely of musical interest.  But also, whenever I have been to the club, it just feels as if very minimal care has been taken of it over the years.  Fine if you like very big clubs but I am quite happy in a very small club, like Amnesia.  I wish I didn’t have a mobile phone and a wallet as I do want to go there, jump in the pool and be dragged out by the bouncers.  Plenty of years left though to lose my marbles.  I still dream of having a metal detector on the beach when I am in my 70’s in Ibiza.
Subliminal at Pacha.  How is Morillo still pulling a crowd?  The line-ups are very predictable and very average.  Take a risk, Morillo, go back to your roots.  Lend the models to me for the season and book someone underground.
Worth a mention to some is Richie Hawtin’s new night at Space, if only because it will get some really boring people away from good nights to go and gawp at him whilst he uses his myriad of controllers to mess around with perfectly good songs and so I am told, serve Sake through your orders sent by Twitter to one of his consoles and he will then program the robotic drinks server to serve you a Sake drink all from his DJ pod.  And Dubfire is joining him.  Isn’t it about time Dubfire and Sharam stopped being shit on their own and went back to making some of the best ever house tracks as Deep Dish?  Does anyone know what that amazing minimal remix of Grindhouse is that only Damian Lazarus I have heard playing is?
I do wonder how Marco Carola will do with his own night at Amnesia.  I don’t get him, but he is very popular on the underground.  Good luck to him.
Finally, I want to say a big well-done to Cream for this year being an amazing 20th year on the island.  I have checked their line-ups and I cannot stand every single DJ that they have on every single night (in a musical context anyway, I am sure they are lovely people) but they must be doing something right.  I promised one friend that if we were on the island at the same time during 2012, that I would go with him in exchange for him coming to Cocoon.  I used to love Cream back in 2003.  Then I discovered Cocoon and never looked back.  How lucky would I be if Deadmau5 was playing that night?  Maybe Paul Van Dyk is still doing exactly the same set as he did back in 2003…and 2004?
I haven’t mentioned Space, have I?  Or Es Paradis, or Kaos.  Or Eden.  Oh how short-sighted of me.  Oh well.
To be fair to any night or club or event, it is incredibly hard not to enjoy any night out in Ibiza, no matter what your music tastes, it is just an incredible island with an amazing energy and there is something for everyone and you should not be afraid to mix it up a bit.  I actually love a spot of people watching in the West End, I wouldn’t put it past me to do an hour in Twice As Nice.  Just give it a go, you are on holiday – loosen your barriers a bit.  You are not in London now, no need to be such a snob.  To anyone offended by anything I said, I’m only having a bit of fun – get a sense of humour.
I haven’t even mentioned the non-clubbing side – but you can go exploring that yourself as I doubt I know the best bits.
Perhaps the biggest question has to be though, even more than when will I make my Ibiza DJing debut (not including villa parties, been there done that) – where will Paris Hilton be DJing?  And will she be up for DJing with me?
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