Before I get to it, I must just get something off my chest. I work for a huge global corporation, who now generally only employ graduates – it being such a large building, there are of course jobs there that do not require such qualifications and business experience, such as the cleaners, or catering staff, who are all very polite and respectful. On coming down to the breakfast bar this morning, there was a group of three…people (I cannot think of anything to class them as) causing chaos by the breakfast bar, as if they owned it, and wouldn’t let … Continued
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I refuse to lay down and take these crap plastic bags that Sainsbury’s have introduced, so of course, I wrote them an e-mail to complain… *************************** Subject: Shit Bags Dear Sir I don’t know if I was having an off-day but the quality of your in-store orange plastic bags that I used for my purchases today, was very low and I did not enjoy the strain on my fingers when using them to carry my shopping home. One of the reasons that I avoid Tesco is for their shoddy, cheap plastic bags. If this is going to be a re-occurring … Continued
This is a guide by Christwire, some Christian website I assume to be in America, and is probably the funniest thing I have read all year. My favourite quotes include: “Raves didn’t start becoming popular in the States until the late 1990′s when a new style of music called “Happy Hardcore” was created…The first popular Happy Hardcore song in American was called “Groove is in the Heart” by a Los Angeles band named “Deee-Lite”.”. Erm…not quite… “Each candy kid collects beads, these beads are signs of how many bi-sexual sex orgies they have been apart of.”. “Mostly made up of … Continued
A few weeks ago, I got very upset when I heard that Coca-Cola would not be renewing it’s contract with Wayne Rooney to promote it’s products, following his behaviour. I thought I should write a letter to explain and defend his behaviour… *************************** I am shocked at the reports that Coca Cola have confirmed that it will not be renewing its £600,000 a year contract with Wayne Rooney to promote its products. This just comes a couple of days after Wayne Rooney swore at TV cameras in a football match, and also I read that senior figures at Coca Cola … Continued
1. I want it to be 5pm. 2. I want a beer. And 3 bottles of wine. 3. I want a big hug. 4. I want to be wonky. 5. I want to go to see Heidi in London do an 8 hour set on Saturday. 6. I want to go see Jamie Jones at fabric on 2nd July. 7. I want someone to go to Cocoon In The Park with me on 9th July. 8. I want to grope that girl’s breasts, preferably with permission so I don’t get reported to HR. 9. I want a pay-rise. 10. I … Continued
Don’t worry – I’m not stupid enough to resign from my current job and company. This is my letter of resignation from when I worked at the Royal Bank of Scotland many years ago. I didn’t take life that seriously then either. Yes, I did use to believe all those years ago when RBS was making huge profits, that they were a force for evil – some would argue I was right. I should probably also point out that I got the monkey I requested. I did, however, once get questioned by management after I put a suggestion in the suggestion … Continued
I have a long-standing dream of taking all of my friends for a weekend in Hull, if only to remind them of how good they have it living in and around Reading. But there are actually a couple of things in Hull which attract visitors, apart from a large amount of people willing to engage in violence and the possibility of getting a pint for less than £1.50. Firstly, The Deep, the world’s only submarium. Yes, I appreciate that there is no entry in either Wikipedia or http://www.dictionary.com/ for such a thing, but this doesn’t stop the linguistically challenged of ‘Ull from using … Continued
I really did not want to get out of bed this morning. I have quite a comfortable chair at work – but I like sleeping. I could do with a week off – it is a year since I had a full week off from work. Every time I get drunk I keep thinking about booking flights to Ibiza – but I need to remember that I cannot afford it! Later in the year, perhaps, if I can save some money. I had a pleasant, and perhaps more importantly, a relatively cheap weekend. So glad I took Friday afternoon off … Continued
During my 31 years on this planet, most of those have included an addiction to ket chup, and I have always consumed Heinz Ketchup, as this has always proved superior by far. I have tried other brands of ketchup, especially when finances have been low, but always found them unsatisfactory. Until now. Yes, thanks to the ever increased price of Heinz Ketchup (nearly £3 a bottle now – and I go through a hell of a lot), I took the plunge and bought Sainsbury’s Tomato Ketchup. And I prefer it. I prefer the taste and the price is very much … Continued
One has to laugh at the repeated crapness of my football club, and it’s team, Hull City. I cannot take them too seriously. First we go on a record-breaking run of 30 away games without a win (or was it 31?) and then follow that up immediately with a new club record away games without a defeat of 17 games. However, I think we have outdone ourselves with the new shirt sponsor for next season. Yes – you saw that right – Cash Converters. Possibly the most popular shop in Hull outside of Poundland. The perfect place for all the … Continued